It wasn't worth it
by Andromeda of Othrys
Summary: Sirius Orion Black was not perfect, but he has to appear perfect, otherwise he'd be a disappointment. He usually tries, but one time he slipped, the consequences were more terrible than he could imagine. Written for Houses Competition Round 2.


**This a themed one-shot (Family), to the prompt of A huge disappointment, for the Slytherin House.(1564 words)**

* * *

Sirius Orion Black was not perfect, but he has to appear perfect, otherwise he'd be a disappointment. That fact had been drilled into his head since he was six years old and managed to shatter priceless vase of his mother's with an outburst of accidental magic. After shouting at him for an hour straight for ruining the vase, Walburga Black nee Black sent her oldest son to his father, Orion. There Sirius received his first true gift from his father: pair of cufflinks embedded with Black Family crest and motto, Tojours pur, along with the first Black Heir lesson.

Personally, Sirius Orion Black could care less about his family's opinions on how a pureblood Heir should behave, but they could make his life a living hell, so he trudged underneath the unfair burden and hoped, desperately hoped for the day he would receive his Hogwarts letter. Even though it would mean leaving Reggie to deal with their demented mother and weak father all on his own, Sirius couldn't help but anticipate 1st of September, 1970.

Nine months without his parents? Heaven.

Even the thought of spending extended amount of time in his cousin Cissa's presence was not enough to dampen the excitement. Why, oh why he had to be born in November, six months before they start sending out the letters?

* * *

Hogwarts Express was both like and unlike anything Sirius had ever seen. Being raised in the pureblood household, Black Heir had virtually zero contact with the Muggle World, which his parents detested and considered 'dirty'. However, Hogwarts Express was something neither of his parents considered truly Muggle, so he could ask all he wanted about it. Granted, every story was laced with subtle reminders about meeting 'appropriate' people and creating 'advantageous' connections.

Yeah, like that was going to happen.

Uncle Alphard had once, not entirely jokingly, told him most of the children their family would consider 'appropriate' were either future Dark Lord followers or touched enough in the head to be considered incapable of living on their own.

"It's all that inbreeding and snobbism", Uncle Alphard mused out loud in front of his impressionable nephew. "They can't see they'll soon either die out or become nothing more than Squibs. Blasted Riddle and his crazy ideas…"

Sirius never managed to wrangle out of Uncle Alphard just who the mysterious Riddle was, but with the dark glint Uncle's eyes always seemed to gain whenever he mentioned him, Sirius could guess no one he would want to meet.

"Go on", Orion's voice broke his son out of his memories. "Good luck, son." Walburga said nothing, her feelings about her eldest well known by now.

"Thank you, Father."

"Do the Black Family proud." _Translation: do not make us look like fools, Sirius Orion,_ Sirius bitterly translated his father's words. _Well too bad, father dearest. I'm planning on doing exactly that._

Turning away from his family and climbing up the train, he tossed one last look at his parents and his little brother, whose eyes were suspiciously shiny. Feeling himself soften a little, he waved to Reggie and smiled gently, succeeding in coaxing out a little smile from the ten-year old. Feeling happy for his success, Sirius Orion Black stepped up and started searching for the compartment where he could be alone.

 _Just because I should make the connections, doesn't mean I'll go to them. If they want to talk to me, they can come._

Lost in his thoughts, he nearly missed opening of the door; he did not, however, miss a 'See ya, Mum, Dad!' the boy yelled over his shoulder as he brazenly sat opposite him.

"Sorry, had to get away from my parents", brown-haired, bespectacled boy explained, sighing in relief. "They've been even more protective than usual."

"And _that_ is the excuse you have for barging in and sitting without my agreement?" Sirius was slightly impressed. The casual glance at the boy's robes spoke of moderate wealth and wizarding background, but the stance and the speech pattern suggested his family did not care much for pureblood traditions.

The boy laughed nervously and started getting up.

"I'm really sorry, yours was the first one I managed to spot with a first-year in -"

Sirius cut him off, chuckling and motioning for him to sit down.

"It wasn't what I meant, idiot. I thought... well, if you're already rude, at least make up a better reason for doing it."

Boy's eyes sparkled.

"I like you", he grinned, offering his hand. "James Fleamont Potter, owner of the most embarrassing middle name on this train."

 _Potter? Fleamont Potter's son?_ Sirius's lips stretched into a shit-eating grin as he accepted it.

"Sirius Orion Black, Heir of the Ancient and Noble House of Black, owner of the most pretentious title on this train."

Potter - _James_ blanched for a second, then doubled over in laughter.

"Black? _Black?_ I thought you lot didn't have a sense of humor!"

"Well", Sirius preened, "most of us don't. So my Uncle Alphard and I have to make up for it."

"Good", James was now hiccupping from laughter. "Good to know, Sirius Orion Black."

"Just Sirius", Black Heir corrected, feeling elated. _Was this a friendship?_

* * *

It wasn't like he hadn't expected it to happen. However, no amount of expectation could soften the pain of the blows raining on him from his mother as she screamed.

"WORTHLESS! SORTED INTO GRYFFINDOR! YOU HAVE SULLIED THE NAME OF HOUSE BLACK!"

"Not like it's not black as tar already", Sirius muttered under his breath. Thankfully, neither his father nor his mother heard him.

Reggie was noticeably absent from the room, and that made Sirius's heart clench. He didn't send letters to his little brother as often as he promised, barely managing to send one in a month… In truth, he feared Reggie's disappointment more than his mother's wrath.

Ignoring his mother's screeching, he stood up from his chair and demonstratively headed for the doors.

"Sirius Orion Black."

Orion Phineas Black's voice was both smooth and dangerous, like a dagger wrapped in cashmere. Sirius stopped dead in his tracks. Last time he heard his father speak like that, cousin Bella had run out of the room, crying hysterically.

"Yes, Father?"

Orion's blue gaze was scorching. "You have been sorted in Gryffindor", he began, his voice calm. That only served to unnerve Sirius more. "While no Black had been sorted in any house other than Slytherin in the last century, I could let it slide." He paused. "Your behavior, on the other hand, has been deplorable. Not worthy of Black Heir. Childish to the extreme. _A huge disappointment to me, your mother and your brother._ "

Sirius winced. It seemed his father managed to find one weak point he had. To his great surprise, his father did not appear to rejoice in that fact.

"You have always been reckless, Sirius", Orion sighed, shooing wordlessly his wife out of the room. Walburga was not happy, but complied, slamming the door as she left in a huff. Two Blacks in room ignored it, all too used to it. "But I did not think you would forget about Regulus. You are his inspiration, his idol."

"You mean, were, Father", Sirius muttered, fight going out of him. Peter, Remus and James did not understand what was it like, having younger sibling to look up to you and to take care of, forever trying to be the best person possible and best brother in the same time. "It's better he doesn't follow my footsteps. One blood-traitor in the main line is enough, isn't it?" He laughed bitterly.

Orion shook his head. "You misunderstand me, son. You're not the keeper of your brother."

 _With Mother being our mother, I might as well be._

"However, I cannot let you influence your brother further. If you're so adamant you don't want to take the responsibility for the House Black, Regulus is still an acceptable substitute."

Ice shot through Sirius' veins.

"NO!" he shouted, half-rising out of his seat. "Not Reggie!"

"Then who?" Orion was merciless. "Regulus is next in the line. Cygnus and Alphard cannot take over unless both you and Regulus die or are otherwise ineligible."

Sirius had to think fast. He couldn't let Reggie fill in his place and live his life under that sort of pressure.

"I'll make a deal with you, Father", Sirius took a deep breath in, checking if his father was listening. "I'll remain Black Heir Apparent as long as possible. When I snap – and I will Father, don't worry about that, it's only matter of when – Mother will likely blast me off the tapestry and disinherit me. I'll teach Reggie what you taught me until then, and you'll handle the rest after I'm gone. But, you'll have to allow me to be with Reggie."

Orion's gaze was calculating.

"Very well, son", he finally agreed. "You may visit Regulus as much as you wish."

Sirius exhaled in relief. "Thank you, Father." As he turned to door again, however, he noticed a shadow disappear upstairs, and his heart dropped.

How much did Reggie hear of their conversation?

The crushing feeling he felt before returned with vengeance, and his father's words echoed in his head. _A huge disappointment to your brother._ He ran upstairs, frantically hoping he would be able to explain what he did to Reggie. He had a nasty feeling, though, it wouldn't be enough.


End file.
